An Ode to Something

Nothing fancy. Just a free write poem I jotted down the other day. Can't tell if it's good or dumb, but so it goes. Guess I just don't have the confidence to be a poet, though I like to try occasionally.

In a perfect world, 
I'd love myself and you'd love the earth. 
You'd love money less and I'd care about it more. 
You'd be fatter and I'd be thinner. 
You'd like letters and I'd like computers. 
We'd have fourteen beautiful children, 
                      none of which would be adopted. 
I'd stop living in the past and you'd start seeing the future. 

But we met on Earth, 
and you love yourself, and I love the world. 

Walk Through Neverland

New song that I wrote last night that I simply adore. Probably because I love Peter Pan. A lot. He's one of the few literary characters that I strongly identify with. Anywho, here it is with lyrics.

LYRICS:
Open the window late at night
Point to the second star to the right
Offering eternal life
And you're aching to take flight
So take my hand
I'll take you on a walk through Never Neverland

CHORUS:
Till you give back what you took
I'll keep on fighting with Hook
And I can teach you how to fly
In a world where ships take to the sky
And with the help of pixie dust
You'll learn I'm the only one you can trust
But time is short on sand
I'll take you on a walk through Neverland

In a house, is where you wake
I brought you here for my sake
Not realizing my heart was at stake
I didn't see how long I've waited
Take my hand
I'll take you on a walk through Never Neverland

CHORUS

Laugh while the pirates chase us
But when the tick tock comes, I do what I must
Your love could cause me to change
I'm still a child; I couldn't take the pain

And here comes the crocodile
So expect me to be away for a while
When I get back, if the window's locked
I'll have to refuse that you grew up
With the Captain's sword sinking deeper
To die would be an awfully big adventure
You're running with a Peter Pan
I'll take you on a walk through Neverland
Till you give back what you took
I'll keep on fighting with Hook
And I can teach you how to fly
In a world where ships take to the sky
And here comes the crocodile
So expect me to be away for a while
When I get back, if the window's locked
I'll have to refuse that you grew up
With the Captain's sword sinking deeper
To die would be an awfully big adventure

Take my hand
I'll take you on a walk through Neverland

Brandon Sanderson and The Witch of Bane, pt 1

Ok, so I've signed up for an online class with lectures from Brandon Sanderson. For those of you who don't know and to re-iterate to those who do, Brandon Sanderson is an LDS fantasy-writer, creative writing teacher at BYU, and is absolutely brilliant! Really, his stuff is some of the most original fantasy writing I've read in a long time. I highly recommend the Mistborn series and Warbreaker. Part of my syllabus for the class includes writing at least 1,00-2,00 words a week and submitting them for critiquing.

I've always loved writing and have started a half a dozen books. But since starting college, I haven't nearly devoted the time to it that I should. Thus, my project for the week is to write every day and in order to write 2,000 words a week, that means writing at least 285 a day. I don't know if I will exclusively work only on the story for the class or others as well, but I've decided to not only post the story I'm working on the class on the site for the class, but here as well as further motivation to keep me writing.

My working title thus far is called The Witch of Bane, and it's actually based on a dream I once had. It's definitely rough draft work thus far but I hope you enjoy it!

Her blue eyes narrowed as she watched the small, dark steamboat travel up the river, her revolver ready to fire. As the vessel chuffed past her hiding spot in the reeds on the bank, the sunlight glittered of the cargo on board, the horns and hides of seven unicorns meant for the Witch of the Bane. She smelled the Reapers on the boat, even from her distance, the stench of gasoline mixed with rotting flesh. Sitting still, she waited for the rest of her company and listened. Wyn glanced to her right to a man crouched on an adjacent hover skiff, identical to the one she stood on. He met her gaze and nodded.

            Putting her hand on the mast, Wyn stood and the skiffs roared to life. Motors chortled to life around the bank and without hesitation, her skiff shot forward, floating only centimeters above the water. Screeches echoed off the waves as she steered with one hand towards the steamboat, breaching the reeds into the open river. Tall, dark figures rushed about the deck of the steamboat, and she could see the top hats of the Reapers as she approached.  Ducking as bullet sprays flew up in the water, she aimed her revolver, toppling the Reaper at the helm of a gatling gun. A second Reaper ran to take its place.

            “Skydas,” Wyn said, a shield forming at the head of her skiff as second round of bullets flew towards her, bouncing back to fall flat into the river.

The skiffs ahead of her had pulled alongside the steamboat, grappling hooks thrown onto the deck as wizards started to climb the ropes. A few toppled down back into their skiff as Reapers took axes to the ropes. The fallen wizards shot up with their guns, protecting those still climbing. Parking her skiff between two others, Wyn holstered her revolver and quickly grabbed her grappling. Lassoing it up, the hook swung over the edge of the deck, clinging into the wood. She clasped the rope between her gloved fingers and pulled herself up, throwing one hand over the other and thanking her lucky stars for her trousers. Shots fired around her, but she dared not look down as she focused only on the other end of her rope, perspiration dripping from the edge of her red hair down her face.

As her fingers latched down onto the handrail of the deck, a Reaper blocked her path, only the chin and tip of his nose visible, his top hot shielding his eyes. She leapt up, crouched atop of the rail, and his sword flung down, slicing the rope she had climbed. Jumping forward, her side barreled into the side of a cabin as she avoided the Reaper. Reaching into her belt, Wyn drew the sword at her side. The Reaper turned, sword pointed towards her, as she sidestepped away from the wall. He lunged, she parried on the inside, pushing his sword arm away with her. With a swoop, her blade cut across his chest. The Reaper screeched as his dark flesh hissed, melting into a dark puddle. Spinning towards the aft, Wyn ran, leaving the Reaper pooled behind her, top hat resting on top.

Swords clinked as wizards and Reapers locked arms around her. She sprinted forward, slashing out as Reapers in her path and ducking under arms till she reached the paddock at the rear of the steamboat, which had drifted in the current amidst the battle. The unicorns whinnied, stomping their feet nervously at the loud chaos surrounding them. The closest hung its neck across the fence, head held low with its sharp horn directed at her approach.

“Steady,” Wyn whispered as she pulled her revolver out with her free hand. Cocking the gun, she shot at the lock on the entrance of the paddock, the wooden door swinging open.

“Go, go, go!”

The unicorns barged through, galloping out of their prison, some clearing the handrail into the river below and others charging down the deck, cutting through Reapers. One unicorn remained, standing with uncertainty at the gate. Wyn ran to its side, smacking its rump with the back of her hand.

“Go, get out of here,” Wyn said as the startled creature burst forward, jumping into the water. “May the Witch or the Royals never find you again.”

A deep laugh shook the air, causing the clanking of swords and firing of guns to cease. The Reapers squealed in delight as a shadow fell upon the steamboat. Wyn rushed for the rail, cranking her head out over the sky. The boat rattled beneath her. Her fingers dug into the rail as the steamboat trembled violently when a huge bird descended from the sky. Yelling, the wizards on board scrambled back to their skiffs, those in the water racing back to the shore and cover on trees.

Its black wings blocked the sun as it bared down on the river. The swimming unicorns shrieked, panicking to get the shore, as the bird’s talons stretched forth. They plucked the straggler unicorn, still struggling in the middle of the river, from the water and into the air.

“No!” screamed Wyn as she watched the bird, towering over the boat, land on the banks. Still clutched in its talon, the bird lowered its great beak to the unicorn and opened its mouth. The unicorn went limp as a white form rose from its body, seeping into the open beak of the bird. As the last went down the bird’s throat, the mammoth creature laughed with the voice of a human. The laugh magnified causing Wyn to cover her ears and turn back to find her own skiff.

Throwing herself off the steamboat, she landed inside and started the skiff. Water sprung up into her face as she banked away, flying towards the shore. She left the skiff as she reached the land, not daring to stop till she reached the trees. With a glance back, she saw that the bird had set the dead unicorn on to the ground and tore through the carcass with its beak. While some managed to remain breathing without one, unicorns could not live without a Soul. 

It's when I hear things like this that I want to ball my eyes out.

Where To Begin

I'm not sure where to start or what I want to say. I feel bad for not blogging as I intended to but it just didn't happen. The last five days have been something of a physical and emotional challenge for me. From funerals to last minute dance competitions to facing facts you didn't want to face to re-learning how short and beautiful life is. I don't want to go into the details, but it's been tough, and I feel drained and down. It's times like these where it's difficult to push through and keep positive. But I have to because at the end of the day, I like myself and I'm going to do my best to help others along the way and come out on top. I'm not saying out of pride or because I think oh, I'm so great, but that's just the attitude I need to maintain at this time. I'm sure all you have times like these, and I'm going to just post some music that will hopefully inspire you as it does me when things are hard. Some of these are definitely supposed to be motivating and some of these simply reflect how I feel, which I think is important to recognize your feelings, feel what you need to feel, before moving on. Anyway, enjoy! And I'll try to get back on the band wagon tomorrow. One day at a time my friends!

This is the only video I could find with this song lol

Homemade Butterbeer

Like every self-proclaimed Harry Potter, I've dreamed of the day when I'd receive my Hogwarts letter and thereafter make it Hogsmeade during my third year so I could venture into The Three Broomsticks and try butterbeer. Unfortunately, I never recieved said letter and I don't have the funds to travel to Harry Potterland, so it seemed my dreams would have to wait. Until anyway, after perusing my bucket list, I decided I ought to check some of the things off that are within my power. If I couldn't buy butterbeer, I was going to make butterbeer.

And I did last night and it was delicious! I did some research on the internet and found what claimed to be the top butterbeer recipes. Instead of using one, I decided why not have a little good of everything and just combine them together. Thus, since my exact recipe cannot be found anywhere, I've decided to share it all with you lovely people.

Ingredients:
5 tablespoons butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp rum extract
3/4 heavy whipping cream
1/8 salt
Cream Soda

Instructions:
1. In a saucepan on medium heat, whisk together the butter, brown sugar, whipping cream, and salt. Let it simmer for 5-6 minutes.

2. Remove from heat and mix in the vanilla and rum extract. Let it cool to about room temperature, or as in my case, till you're sick of waiting after about ten minutes.

3. Put a tablespoon of the mixture into the bottom a glass, pour in your cream soda, and wallah! You have made butterbeer.

Ta-da! That's really it! Pretty easy and very tasty. Hopefully, you have an easier time finding the rum extract than I did. Because this is Utah, some prick hid the stuff in the back. People. Seriously. There is no alcohol in rum extract.

Wall-E and Sushi: The Tale of a Psycho Cat

Since we're on the topic of pets this week, I have a story to tell everyone. Just as an advisory warning, this is kind of a sad story. At the commencement of this blog, I made a preliminary list of topics and projects for me to write about. I was extremely excited to talk about Wall-E. Not the cute Pixar robot, but pretty close.

This last spring, we had two pregnant cats: Sushi and her just under a year-old daughter, Peaches. Sushi gave birth to her litter of kittens no problem. Peaches, unfortunately, had complications. She gave birth to her kittens prematurely and right off the bat, three of her seven kittens were dead. The rest were struggling, and Peaches was distraught by giving birth, so much so that I had to show her how to lay on her side for nursing and she didn't clean the kittens properly. Most of them were clean enough to be alright, but one of them, a tiny black kitten, had dried pregnancy goo all over them including over its nose, thus it was struggling to breathe. But for a struggling cat, it sure was lively. Already having had a dog give birth on me once, it was no problem for me to go and clean the little guy up.

About a week after giving birth, I was watching TV with my sister when I heard a crash in the bathroom where Peaches and her remaining four kittens were being kept. I went in thinking that she had maybe knocked over some shampoo bottles, but instead I walked in to find the cat convulsing on the floor of the bathroom, having soiled herself and foaming at the mouth. At first, I was terrified that she had somehow contracted rabies, but after looking up her symptoms, I realized she had been poisoned. She had probably gotten into one of the neighbor's mice poisons somehow. I did everything I could to induce her to throw up whatever she had swallowed and even held her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit. But at the end of it all, she was too far gone and eventually died in my arms. Needless to say, I was bawling. I take the pain and death of any creature quite seriously.

At first, we weren't certain what to do about her premature kittens. Sushi was nursing her two-week-old kittens, and we were worried that she might reject or even harm these other ones. We decided to risk it though, and we were able to witness this beautiful miracle of life unfold. Sushi took on the nursing of the four kittens and would even arrange her older and bigger kittens around these smaller ones to keep them warm. It was amazing to watch for the next couple of weeks.

Unfortunately, as Sushi's kittens grew older and stronger, Darwin's law took over. While her kittens were normal and growing, these younger ones were the size of newborn kittens at six weeks of age. Sushi suddenly started to refuse to feed or take care of them, at least not nearly as intently. We've theorized that survival of the fittest came into play here. Sushi's kittens, not being much older than the others ones, but correctly developed were given most of her care and attention to ensure their survival. Slowly, two more died. We began to give out the older kittens, hoping that by doing so Sushi would once more take care of the premies. We realized this wasn't working however, when Sushi began to move the two left in places for them to die. One of them way out in no man's land in our greenhouse, and the second, the little black one from before, she actually buried alive.

This black kitten was no quitter though. He dug himself out and managed to make it to our back door. We found him covered in dirt and, realizing what had happened, went searching for its sibling. Like I said, we found it half buried in no man's land barely alive. I took the two in and immediately began to try to nurse them back to health. The one we found just had no will left to live though. Despite my efforts and attention, it shortly died, again in my hands, thereafter, which made me just feel terrible. I could never be a vet because I would just bawl my eyes out all the time.

All that was left was this little black kitten with some spunk and big eyes. Being the last of its family and such a fighter, we called it Wall-E. We removed him from Sushi's care, and I spent the next week as its caretaker. I would use syringes and evaporated milk mixtures to feed him, and he slept in my bed with me. He was really quite adorable as he liked to curl up right by my neck and just became the sweetest kitten. He would come to his name when I called him. We all adored Wall-E. The rest of the kittens were in new homes, and we planned to keep him after putting so much time into him. With all of the kittens gone, Sushi decided she wanted to take care of him again so we would allow her to feed and clean him under our supervision since it was easier for her to do. Between her and us caring for him on a daily basis, he began to grow stronger  He did have some health problems as a premature kitten. At ten weeks of age, he could still fit into the palm of a hand. But he was growing and starting to develop normally. It was wonderful to see him grow and to witness this little guy's will to live. More so, I took great joy out of caring for a creature and feeling like I was making it happy. I know it's just a kitten, but really, after putting so much time and effort in, it was something special.

A couple weeks ago, however, Wall-E somehow ended up with Sushi unsupervised and went missing shortly thereafter. I'm quite sad about it because I am quite certain that he did not survive whatever happened. I'm pretty sure Sushi removed him from our property and left him to die somewhere as she did before, seeing as how she's a very jealous cat and my sister did catch her trying to take Wall-E from the yard earlier that week. Needless to say, I'm not quite fond of Sushi. Sushi is also pregnant again thus also probably leading her to remove Wall-E for her new kittens as Wall-E would still have needed some extra care for a few more weeks due to his underdevelopment. Sushi hasn't exactly built up her rapport with me since she's turned into a complete psycho. She's also attacked Cricket several times, and in the process, on two separate occasions, she's mangled my arm and my youngest sister's leg. So basically: she's murdered Wall-E, attacked my dog, attacked me, and attacked my little sister. I've never disliked an animal so much in my life. I know it's probably her crazy prego hormones and her trying to establish her dominance, but needless to say, I'm not quite pleased with the cat.

I'm just hoping Wall-E is in a better place. I know this whole paragraph is going to sound corny, but I truly believe, and I'm sure most pet lovers and owners will agree with me, that there are some animals you will encounter in life where there is something special about them. They are more than just an animal; you truly bond with them and love them and they love you back. Animals also have spirits and souls; their lives are important too and should be respected. I believe that just like friends and family, they will be there waiting for you on the other side and we'll all be reunited after this life. I know I have a few deceased animal friends that I hope to see again and Wall-E is definitely one of them.

Project Walk the Dog: The Story of How I Became A Canine Owner

Ok. So I have a confession; I am a hopeless romantic. I'm the classic harder-on-the-outside because on the inside I am one big, soft cheese ball of romantic notions. Fun fact for you all: at the end of the day, all good women just want to love and be loved back, and I am no different. Another thing you must know about me for this story is that I'd rather spend money on experiences than stuff. And my birthday presents from the last couple years have reflected accordingly. I've gotten to an age where my parents just ask me what I want for my birthday rather than getting something for me. For my 19th birthday, I asked for money to go shark cage diving. For my 20th, money to help me travel while in Lithuania. Well last month was my 21st birthday, and when I considered these two things about myself upon my parents asking me what I wanted for my birthday, I concluded that the thing I wanted most was a dog.

I've always loved animals, particularly dogs, and my thinking was that I not only would like a dog to satisfy the animal-loving environmentalist inside of me, but I could also use a jogging buddy (maybe then I would actually start jogging again?) and if I loved something and it loved me back, maybe my baby-hungry-21-year-old pangs would disperse a little bit.

Of course, I was met from immediate opposition from my parents. But I began their conversion when I found a mini aussie up for adoption in a local shelter. After reading my mother the weight, height, and temperament description of mini aussies (Australian Shepherds), I had her hooked. Unfortunately, by the time we made our way to the shelter, that dog had been adopted. But my mom suggested we continued the search for a mini aussie. I was more than happy to oblige as Australian Shepherds are one of my favorite breeds. I did have some conditions though, one being that I couldn't get a puppy but a dog that was at least a year old already, which was fine with me as house training a puppy can be a truly miserable experience. I began obsessing over KSL and keeping an eye on local breeders for adult dogs they were no longer busy. After not having much luck though, I started to expand my list of breeds to dogs of similar build and temperament, including shelties, corgis, and american eskimos. However, nothing seemed to be working out despite my efforts. And then I found her, a teacup size mini aussie named Cricket.

Cricket is four years old and was first used a show dog by her first owners. She was then bought by Rose's Half Pint Ranch (which can be found here: http://roseshalfpintranch.com/www.roseshalfpintranch.com/KENNEL.html) to be used as a breeding dog. Nearby, we went out to visit her. And basically from thereon, everything has worked out swimmingly and I am the new proud owner of the international champion, Cricket. And I think she's just the greatest. Isn't she adorable?

Face it; my dog is cuter than yours haha.

I'm quite content with my new friend and she seems to like me the best as well. Thus my goal for this week is give Miss Cricket the proper exercise an aussie needs and to walk to dog every day this week.

Celebrity Heartthrobs

Since the last couple posts seem to theme around general attractiveness, I would just like to take a moment to appreciate the eye candy we're blessed to see in the media. Granted, my personal preferences are probably a little different than most; I'm not usually impressed by the muscly action stars or the hunks and cool guys who can walk away from explosions without looking back. Maybe it's because as an actress myself I don't think most of these roles take a whole lot of skill or finesse. I appreciate not only talented but intelligent, quirky actors, and I've finally decided to compile a list, in no particular order. So women, enjoy the pictures, and any men that read this, well enjoy getting a look into my brain and years of biological wiring.

                                                                     

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH  
I think Sherlock hit it on the head when saying smart is the new sexy. First off, look at that name. Benedict Cumberbatch.  That's a freaking beautifully awesome name, and I think Bailey Cumberbatch sounds quite fetching too. This British actor is not only super physically attractive (I mean look at those eyes and that hair) and has an adorable accent, but also an extremely talented actor and very well educated. I think we can all agree that he is brilliant in the TV series Sherlock as the title character, and recently I thoroughly enjoyed his performance in Star Trek Into Darkness as the savage Khan. I'd be pretty happy if he unleashed some of the savagery on me, if you know what I mean. I also thought he was great in Atonement, which is probably lesser known to many of you, but it's a great film and a great movie that I highly recommend and features one of my other great loves, which is....

JAMES MCAVOY
Look at those eyes. Dang. I've been in love with Mr. McAvoy here since he was a half-goat man Mr. Tumnus in the Chronicles of Narnia. Then he went on to play in two of my favorite movies with my celebrity doppleganger Anne Hathaway in Becoming Jane and then with the aforementioned Atonement. I think acting wise he has proven himself to not only be diverse but also in it for the artistry, which definitely comes off in his magnificent performances. What's more the man loves fantasy and science fiction. I also love that he and his wife are homebodies living a frugal life, and he seems to just take joy in the simple things. I don't ever get the feeling that he's into all the fame and money, but that he truly takes joy in what he does and in bringing characters to life, which I greatly respect. I'd like to think I'd do the same even if I ever became rich or famous. I'm also super impressed with his charity and philanthropic work in Uganda. Overall, he's just one good looking, talented, great guy.

ZACHARY QUINTO
Oh my gosh, Zachary Quinto is just a god. I'm so sad that he's gay and we'll never make babies. You know he's a good actor when you're still rooting for Sylar despite his tendency to cut open people's heads and all that jazz. I think Quinto is so just good at getting into the mindset of his characters and all the intricacies that entails, which I admire. I also love that he switches over from film to theatre. I could go on and on about how much talent that really takes and how people who start in film tend to be lazier than theatre actors, but I won't. Plain and simple, this guy can do it all from film acting to theatre to filmmaking. Plus he's a total nerd, which I just adore. I also admire his ability to be outspoken about what he believes without being obnoxious or shoving it down your throat, despite his beliefs being quite different than my own. What a guy.

HUGH JACKMAN
Hugh Jackman can just do it all. He can sing, he can dance, he can do action, historical, drama, the works. I'm a sucker for any actor who is a triple thread, and Jackman has proven himself time and time again and looks good doing it. He's also been with his wife for ages, and it's refreshing to see sexy but still committed-to-marriage-and-family actors. My favorite story about Hugh Jackman was when he was performing in A Steady Rain on Broadway when a phone in the audience went off, and he broke for a second to say 'Hey, can you turn that off?.' When it went off a second time, he turned and said, 'No seriously, turn it off.' You tell them Jackman. People these days. No respect for the arts.

CHRISTIAN BALE 
While I am not impressed with Bale's temper, I still can't help being attracted to him because again, he's one of those guys that really can do it all. I also think his commitment to his roles is really quite brilliant. I appreciate his work greatly. You never see one of his movies and say, "Oh Christian Bale was so bad in that." Nope, he always delivers. He's an artist. Plus he's just super good looking.

RUPERT GRINT
Rupert Grint is just adorable and hilarious! He is such a character, and I really think he is super cute. He's got a great smile, and I get happy whenever I see him whether it's in a movie or in a picture with the Olympic Torch. I think he's hilarious in everything he's in and seriously got promising talent. I worry he's been type cast a little bit due to Harry Potter, but I think he's good enough that he'll break out of it. He's down to earth, has great taste in music, and earns bonus points for his lovely red hair.

IAN SOMERHALDER
What woman doesn't love Ian Somerhalder? Funny. Confident. Drop dead gorgeous. He's a babe and again extremely talented. He makes interesting decisions with his character choices and creates three-dimensional characters. And I'm a sucker for his animal-loving, save the earth ways. I'm not a crazy environmentalist, but I do think we ought to take care of this beautiful earth we've been given and all creatures in it thus I love his respect and efforts for our Earth. Plus his philanthropy doesn't just start and end with the environment but has also been a part of humanitarian work with the youth and women.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO 
I've loved him ever since watching him in Titanic as a five year old and that love has just grown ever since. He's brilliant in everything he does from What's Eat Gilbert Grape? to him most recently dazzling me in The Great Gatsby. Leo seriously was a great Gatsby. Plus the man is building an eco-friendly resort for crying out loud. I'm really hoping he wins his Academy Award soon.

MATT DAMON
I bet you're thinking wait, this guy vaguely looks like an action star. Matt Damon is definitely no one-trick pony though. He too can do it all, and I seriously love the Bourne trilogy. Jason Bourne in and of himself is a deep and challenging role for any actor. Damon can act, write, produce, and is highly involved in charity work. If you haven't guessed by now, I love people that believe in giving back, and this guy certainly does. He's also completely adorable and such a family man. His wife is one lucky lady.

Accountability Report

Ok, so I've been a bit a blogging sinner this week. First off, sorry for the solo post. My goal is to generally blog about three times a week, and I sorely failed at that this week. As for my project, I'd probably grade myself at about a B-, verging onto a C+. I'll let all y'all be the judge though. Here's the recap.

MONDAY

I thought about simply taking a picture of wearing something to account for this day, but that would defeat the purpose of the project so I'll be honest; I failed miserably on the first day. I stayed in my sweats all day, but did manage to change into a fairly cute running outfit. That counts for something, right? And then I took a shower and put my pjs back on. I know. Fail.

TUESDAY
I did pretty good on Tuesday except that I didn't take a picture. But I did get dressed and do my hair. I straightened it, put on basic make-up, and then wore a plaid, red button-down with brown, skinny cords, and yellow loafers. It was actually pretty cute so my bad on not taking a picture. Plus when I was out and about, I added aviators to make myself look cool. Aviators are the bomb.

WEDNESDAY
Another success! I looked pretty awesome if I say so myself. Purple sun dress with this awesome sort of afro, multi-colored belt that my mom got me for Christmas and my yellow scarf that I picked up somewhere over in Europe, either Estonia or Latvia, I think.

THURSDAY
Another fail. But in my defense, this was not a matter of laziness on my part. I was genuinely sick and stayed in bed all day, catching up on the Bachelorette and sleeping. Yes, I watch that reality tv crap. Sometimes, you just need to watch something mainstream and bad, ya know? It's too hard being a cultured prick all the time. Forgive me, my hipster brothers.

FRIDAY
I was a little lazier this day since I was still recovering from sickness and my friend literally had to drag me out of bed. I wore a navy-stripped blouse with a navy blazer, green cut offs, and converse high-tops that I folded over. I originally braided my hair but said friend's sun roof destroyed it, making it look like I'd been making out for hours on end, so I had to resort to just a plain ole bun.

SATURDAY
I did pretty awesome. I dressed myself in skinnies, a cute sweater I picked up from a thrift store, and my smarf (square scarf? I don't know what they're actually called but that's the term one of my gay friends used so I'm taking his word on it). I did my jungle woman hair-aka my actual hair with some gel in it-and went all out with my make-up. I looked pretty darn good until I vehemently forced to the swimming pool in a swimsuit that I abhore. All of my swimsuits are up in storage as I didn't think I'd be needing them anytime soon so I had to borrow one.

SUNDAY
And here I am looking like do right now. Jungle woman hair, stripped maxi skirt, short cropped sweater, and looking overall adorable. Blurry because my 8 year old sister took it but you get the picture (baha, I'm punny).

So there's my week of outfits. Even though I didn't quite complete the project, I think I did have a better week and felt better about myself most of the days I was dressed and ready to tackle life. I think I will definitely continue this habit in the week to come so all in all, a success right?

Project Get Dressed

Well it's the beginning of the week so I think I can safely start a new project right? I've been fairly successful with my sleeping project. No sleeping in until noon, which is definitely a good start.

Now it's time to take the next step: getting dressed. I used to be a superb dresser. I feel that I was definitely better dressed in high school than I am today. I appreciate good looking clothes (especially if I can find said clothes at a thrifty price), and I used to watch episodes of What Not to Wear for crying out loud. Then I moved to Hawaii where walking around in just a t-shirt and athletic shorts is totally ok, and unless you're down in Waikiki, most people don't really get all dolled up or styling. It worked out great because I don't like wearing a lot or if any make-up and prefer to go barefoot. However, it also led to some bad habits.

I still love clothes and fashion, but don't really put in the effort anymore. I've been converted into a sweat pants kind of girl. I think sweat pants, dressing down, and wearing very natural make-up is totally fine, even sexy.  I like to wear comfy clothes. After 8 o'clock, it's rare to see me still actually dressed. I hate leaving my house because then I have to put on a bra. Changing from my pjs into pants takes a real conscious effort. Anyway you get the drift. The point is, while I'm definitely not throwing out my comfy clothes or paint splat sweats, I think I need to spend a little more time putting myself together each day and breaking some bad habits. Not that I need to look like a super model; I just shouldn't wake up in the morning and change from one set of pjs to another and then run to go pick-up sushi. And you know, maybe do my hair or something.

My dance teacher from high school used to be a bit of a stickler about what we could wear to class because she believed that if we looked out best, we'd dance our best. I'm not at all saying that you need loads of make-up or the latest clothes to feel good or happy or to get the guy of our dreams. But most of us are pretty self-conscious of our image, more so than anyone else we'll meet like said guy of your dreams, thus being properly dressed helps lower our insecurities and bolster our confidence.

So there it is. Every day this week, I am going to put an outfit together, do my hair beyond a bun on top of my head which has definitely been my look the last couple of months, and put at least mascara and face powder on. And I'll even get photographic evidence.

This is going to be a real challenge. Bring it on.

The Unlicensed Wonder

So here's a little secret about me. I don't have a driver's license. I have had a driving permit twice. Just to be clear, I wasn't prohibited from getting a driver's license till I was 21 due to some miscreant behavior from my youth. I simply have never gotten one nor really needed one...Plus driving gives me anxiety. Probably from all the times my mother told me, "Remember if you're driving and some little kid runs into the road and you hit them, it's all your fault."

I know it's sad and rather unusual, but there it is. You see the law in my particular state while I was growing up was that anyone who had never had a driver's license before had to take a driver's education course regardless of how old they were. As a teenager, I was already having to take required courses online and through summer school because I was taking extra theater and dance classes during the day; thus, my parents didn't think it was a good idea to add to my work load by having me take a period for driver's ed as well. I was supposed to go to a private driving school but simply never had the time. After graduation, I went to Hawaii for school, and as unreliable as the public transportation system there is, I never needed a car. Then I went to Europe, which has a fantastic transportation system and people hardly drive there anyway, so again unnecessary. It hasn't been till now that I needed one. And luckily for me, the law just changed so I no longer need to sit in a class with a bunch of 15 and 16 year olds.

Now, I am pleased to announce that I am almost a licensed driver. I'm on my third permit as of yesterday. And on July 16th, assuming I pass the road test, I will be fully privileged to drive. Halle-freaking-lujah. Of course that gives me six weeks to get over my fear of the freeway, figure how to switch lanes without looking like a maniac, develop a whole new set of muscle memory, and learn how to parallel park or just park period. But you know, I'm hopeful. Miracles happen like the fact that I passed the eye exam. No, seriously, the first time I went to go get my permit, it took me like twelve tries. I was lucky the guy was so patient.

My name is Bailey Loveless. And this is attempt number 3. Wow. I wonder how long it will take before that joke gets old.

Oh and for the record, I have indeed slept 7-8 hours the past two nights.

Cuz this is what people look like when they sleep.

The Intro

"Well one life decision down. Only about 32 left to go."

The same day I said this was the same day I was also told, 'Life is short...Thankfully.' I can't help but agree just a bit as I've had to make all these decisions for my life lately. While normally I tend to wish life was longer out of fear that I'll never accomplish all that I hope to here on this earth, I'm starting to think I ought to appreciate my limited time here on Earth and just try not to screw up too badly. If I had much more time, I'm sure I would be the direct cause of some big catastrophe. Of course, this may be my cynical side that tends to poke out its ugly head from time to time, especially as a 21 year old. 21; that scary age where all your decisions are going to impact the rest of your life.

And with that comes a lot of time spent in limbo, which is where I am right now. I'm in the middle of what I guess you could call a mini-mid-life-crisis.

Since becoming an 'adult,' I've actually done fairly well with my time. I went to school in Hawaii, made excellent grades, served as President of the Honors Society, got my first apartment, volunteered abroad in Lithuania for five months, dumped boys, got dumped, pinned a lot of stuff on pinterest that I haven't tried, lost friends not worth keeping, made some for life, and finally decided on a general course of study after changing my major three times. I made dreams come true then came up with more dreams and thought of all sorts of ways to help improve the world, as giving back is something I strongly  believe in. Since becoming an adult, I finally have a sense of who I am and what I want out of life. Now it's just a matter of getting there, which is where I am now and the purpose of this blog's inception; to chronicle my adventures of figuring it all out and my pursuit of happiness and purpose. That's literally the project here: to get myself out of limbo and in the direction of true happiness.

While I was study peacebuilding, one of the first things we talked about was whether you yourself need to be a peaceful person to help bring peace to others. The answer is yes and no. I say no because everyone has to have experienced some kind of discord to empathize with others who have yet to find self or social peace. But the answer is also yes because I believe that once a person is able to find inner peace, they can spread peace within their family, and from their family, it can spread into a community, and eventually make its way into the world.

For a good while, I feel that I was pretty good at maintaining the balance between inner and outer peace. But admittedly, I have felt a lack of purpose since coming home from my work abroad, hence I entered limbo. And with limbo came bad habits as I stopped doing the little things to keep my equilibrium, which is probably why I haven't moved onto the next real phase of my life sooner than later. It's not to say that I'm not happy, but I know I can do better. I realize that happiness is a direction, not a destination, or so a fortune cookie told me. That being said, I'm simply going to do the things that I believe will help steer more in that direction and generate more positivity. My goal is to have a weekly project or fix a bad habit every week and just take it one day at a time, starting with the simple things. For instance, this week is simply to sleep only 7-8 hours a day versus my normal time table of either 5 or 12 hours. By doing so, I simply hope to be a healthier, happier, and more effective citizen of the world and stay on top of my game so I can go on to make the decisions I need to, help others, and do all those things I hope will help save the world.

My name is Bailey Loveless and this attempt number 8. At blogging that is. Not suicide, thank you Claire Bennett (kudos if you know the reference).